my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
