i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
