would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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