Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
