i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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