We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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