I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
