I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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