Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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