Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
