Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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