I just saw a hot homeless man
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
