Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
