There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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