Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
