I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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