life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
