Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
