dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
