I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
