Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
