just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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