he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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