I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
