it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I want a musical about memes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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