Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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