Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
