ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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