Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
