dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
