we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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