If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
