I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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