i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They are going to name an STD after you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
