It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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