all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
