he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
