this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
