3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
