You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
