Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
