No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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