Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
