I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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