you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
