You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
