The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
