a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
