not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
