did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
