I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
