I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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