she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
