I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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