Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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