He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
false alarm, still single
Randomize
