it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
