That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
