You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She bit a glass in half.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize