i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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