Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
