why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize