ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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