She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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