not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
