Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
