Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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