...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
