When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
