have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
