AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
