i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i now understand why vodka
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
