I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
