can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize