so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
