I will die if light touches me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
