Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
