By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize