someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
