U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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