All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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