Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
