Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize