wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
