4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
