Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
