You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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