I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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