So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
