Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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