you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
