i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
