thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
