it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
