Got a toothbrush?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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