If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
