He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
