You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
