She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she peed on how many people?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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