quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
