I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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