You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
