Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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